Fruitful: Here We Go

Found here.
Assuming everything works the way it's supposed to, this post should go up on the penultimate day of the year.  And while I'm often wistful even when the year isn't coming to an end, I'm perhaps more so as my last year without a dependent closes out.

I have a thing with numbers.  It stems from my synesthesia.  For those who don't know what synesthesia is, Wikipedia says it's "a neurological condition in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway."  There nine different ways this can manifest itself, and even variations in those nine ways.

I first noticed it with music.  Songs have colors to me.  I later read an article that issues with numbers is also a symptom, which is something I've dealt with for as long as I can remember.  Numbers are living things in my mind.  Some feel right, some feel wrong.  That's what it boils down to, really: how it feels.

Nicole and I were married in 2009, which was hard for me, because I wasn't a fan of that number.  I'd have preferred a year earlier, as 2008 felt better.  The remaining dates in our anniversary are great, though.

All of this is to say that 2013 never felt good to me.  Odd numbers can often be a problem, but just the combination of 0-3 in this way made me feel off.  But 2014, 2014 feels regal.  It's yellow, which is a little weird because I'm not a fan of yellow, but still, it could be worse.  Colors don't carry personalities for me, and it's numbers are okay in my book.

Yeah, see, all of that up above this line?  You thought I couldn't get any weirder, but I just did.

My entire life will change in 2014.  It's not every year that you can make such a statement with so much certainty.  This is the last year there won't be a little human being depending upon me.  Heck, this is probably the last time I stay up past midnight for a while (that's assuming my pregnant wife makes it that late).

Here's something that has occurred to me a lot lately: having a kid is a perfectly ordinary facet of life that completely changes a person's life.  There is this thing that happens all day, every day, and it impacts people
in ways that they can't even comprehend, and it just is.  This is just what happens.  It's what people do.  They have kids.  They (ideally) raise children.  Life moves forward.

I spend a great deal of my life putting myself in other people's shoes.  I spend a great deal of time sitting at this desk, imaging what it would be like to be someone else.  Even if I'm not writing in the first person, I still have to know my characters, I have to understand them.

I can write about children and parents all I want, but I only understand one side of that equation.  That's going to change, and it's going to change in 2014.

Honestly, I don't do much that would make this transition that difficult.  This isn't some romantic comedy where I have to change my partying ways to take care of a baby.  I don't even sleep that much as it is, so that adjustment, while bad, won't kill me.  I'm not in line for the big promotion at work, but lose out because I'm spending time taking care of my kid.  I don't suddenly realize that Nicole is the one for me because I realized that a long time ago.

But, still -- little person.  Dependent upon me and Nicole.  That's going to wrinkle my brain even after he's born.

So onward to 2014.  It should be a crazy year.

Week 32!!