Fruitful: Out of My Head

I live in my head a lot.  It's entertaining in there.  It's usually pretty safe.  It's never boring.  I live in my head so much that sometimes I have a hard time behaving appropriately when I'm outside of it.  I think I've gotten better with that as I've gotten older -- I don't think I'm the spaz I used to be.  But it can still be a problem.

I dislike being forced out of my head.  That's a whole thing.  I do, however, really like choosing to come out.  If I choose to come out of my head for something, then it's really important to me.  I come out of my head for Nicole and very rarely is that not my choice.

I would like to live outside of my head more often.  Living in your head is nice and all, but it can make every little thing harder.  It can make you resent things that are really not a big deal.  It makes it hard to have perspective.

Having a kid is going to pull me out of my head and I'm really looking forward to that.

Like I said, I like coming out of my head, because doing so by choice means I'm doing it for something I feel very strongly about.  I know I'm not going to have any problems doing it for my son.  I'm looking forward to it.  I'm looking forward to having a reason to come out of my head.  It is the least of what I will do for him.

It's easy to lose perspective, particularly if you're the type of person who finds most aspects of life strange.  I think Nicole probably gets a little tired of me pointing out things that I think are weird, because they're invariably absolutely normal things.

I'll be honest, it can be tiring.  It can be tiring to always live in your head and not in the world.  As exhausting as it can be for me to interact with the world around me, I would love to do it more often, if only it were easier.  I would love to have some kind of focus.

I think I do a good job of maintaining my focus on Nicole.  I know I can drift from time to time, but I think
I have to use this snippet from Morrison & Quitely's New X-Men
that when she needs me, and when I need her, I'm there, in that moment.  I like to think that I can will myself out of my head for Nicole.   She's the only part of my life that I can do that for on a regular basis.  Everything else is spotty.

But this kid, this kid is going to be a whole other thing.  He will pull me kicking and screaming out of my head.  I would imagine that for as much as I claim I look forward to being more focused for him, I have no concept of what that will really entail.  I have a feeling that he's going to force the pendulum to swing drastically to the other side.

I'm looking forward to that, though.  I'm looking forward to seeing what that's like.  I'm looking forward to having clarity of purpose, because that's not something I have very often.

No pressure or anything, kid, but dad already has some preconceptions.  If you're anything like your mom, you'll blow those away, and I'll be happier for it.