I'd rather be fishing.

Not really.

I am well aware of the fact that the bitching and moaning that I sometimes do in this blog is kind of silly, given that I'm currently sitting in my home office of the house my wife and I just bought on a cul-de-sac in the suburbs.  I have a belly full of food, the heat is on, and I'm drinking whiskey.  Tonight, as every night, I will lie in bed next to my best friend in the entire world, and will also most likely be visited at various points through the evening my two wonderfully affectionate, adorable cats.

It's not like I'm digging ditches.

I have found lately that my desire to always be doing something other than what I'm doing is troublesome.  As I have put it in the past, I always want to be doing something other than what I'm doing, even if what I'm doing is something I want to do.  And part of that is just me being crazy.

Lately at work I've been given more and more responsibility, which is fine.  At the very least, the day goes by faster when I have more to do.  But I've always been reluctant to throw myself fully into any job that I have.  Ultimately, it's because I don't want to put more energy into than I have to, because the focus of my energy has to be/needs to be my writing.

I don't have any discernible career to speak of.  I've been "promoted" three times at my current job.  The last long term job I had was the same way.  But my movement up the corporate ladder is usually a result of my "jack of trades, master of none" skills.  I'm never going to be the VP of anything because there's no one thing that I'm good enough or interested in to be the VP of.  But neither one of those things has to be true.

I'm a quick learner (thus a jack of all trades) and I'm sure I could become pretty adept at a particular thing if I really put my back into it.  But I just don't have that motivation and I really wish I did.

My life would be infinitely easier if I could find some kind of fulfillment in a job.  Don't get me wrong, I like the job I have now and I feel like I'm doing well at it, but it's not where my passions lie -- heck, it's not even where my likes lie.

I will admit that part of my reluctance comes from fear.  Honest to god, nothing scares me more than the idea that one day I might really put some effort into my "career" and find that it ends up taking over my life.  My biggest fear is becoming satisfied with my job.  I'm no good at being satisfied.  I rather like the fact that I'm not, although I'd certainly be willing to give that up for a book and movie deal.

I think people would like me to be, though.  I think people expect me to be like the average person and have some kind of work related goals.  My New Year's resolution for last year was to stay employed; I set the bar low.

It's not all that hard to get me to be enthusiastic about something, it's just that there's always going to be a ceiling on that, at least for most things.

If you're Nicole, our cats, or my writing, sky's the limit.  Now I just need to find a job that involves any of those things.