Hitting a Wall

Sweet fancy Moses, I can't wait for Thanksgiving.

This isn't to say that I have any real affection towards the holiday itself, as I don't.  This is to say that I have never needed a long weekend so badly in my life (note: that might be hyperbole).

I've kind of droned on about how different things are now that Nicole and I have moved from SoCal to NorCal, but lately I've realized that, while I may have been aware of these differences, the changes hadn't really settled into my head like they were real.  In fact, the differences don't bother me, it's just that I've gotten this general feeling of weirdness after so much change.

For example, I don't feel like going to the gym is giving me the rush that I used to get.  I'm not entirely sure why that is.  I'm sure part of it is the fact that I now have to go to a gym where other people work out, so I'm a bit more self-conscious.  It's probably also the fact that going to the gym is no longer the hardest part of my day, as I now have a real job that requires real work.

As far as the gym goes, there's also a certain element involving a change in motivation.  Living in the suburbs, I've see no shortage of men with the typical middle age physique.  I don't think I really even have to explain it to you, because you can probably picture it.  There's a certain part of me that now feels like working out is my way of holding off that fate, and thus becomes something I'm doing because I have to, not because I just like the way it makes me feel.

Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with any of that, it's just different.

Another, even more petty example: I'm not a fan of how the sink in our kitchen is situated.  I don't like the size or the set up.  If I had been apartment or home shopping, it's the kind of thing that would have turned me off (if we were only renting, at least, and thus couldn't make any changes).  But it's what I'm stuck with, at least for the foreseeable future.  Is it really that bad?  Of course not.  But it's not what I'm used to or what I would prefer.

People always talk about Los Angeles being a haven for stunted adults, those who are in a perpetual state of adolescence.  And I really can't argue with that, because all of the things that are messing with my head up here are, to some degree, the things that an average adult deals with.  But I've never been an adult before, not really.  It's like I suddenly have to grow up.

I suppose a lot of it has to do with familiarity.  I miss the gym in our old building.  I miss the office I had in our old apartment.  The office in our house now has yet to really become mine.  I've yet to bond with it, which is something every writer can understand -- you have to connect with your work space.  It's still really early in the process, but I miss what I had before.

This all makes me wonder just how long it will be before I really process exactly where I am now, and I don't just mean physically.

I've been working out this equation lately:*

I'm at work (including lunch break) for 9 hours a day, 5 days a week = 45 hours.
If I'm good, I'm able to spend about 10 hours a week writing, or doing something writing related.
I probably spend 4 hours at the gym and another 4 hours in traffic during the week.
We're at 63 hours so far.
Let's optimistically say I'm in bed for 8 hours a night, which might actually be true if I make up time on the weekends.  Now we're at 119.
Add 1 hour each weekday for breakfast and dinner, 2 hours for all 3 meals on the weekend.  That's another 9 hours.
I watch 8 hours of TV, on average, most weeks (don't judge me).
Now we're at 136.
Now say I spend, on average, 4 hours a week on domestic duties, like running errands and household chores.  And let's add in another 4 hours for socializing, which would more be weekly average, as I'm not really all that social.
We end at 144.  There are 168 hours in a week.
This means that I have 24 hours that aren't accounted for.
I have 24 hours to do whatever I want.
So the question, really, is what am I doing with them?

I think when I figure that out, I'll start to get a grasp of this whole situation.

*No, seriously, I have done the math on this in my head like half a dozen times in the last two days... because I am a crazy person.