On a Sunday

I'm in my office, trying to do some real writing for the first time since we moved.  Nicole is taking a break from trying to organize the kitchen to make brownies.

I still feel like we're going to go back to Los Angeles at some point, as if we're just visiting.  And I have to say, given that I have to go to work every day, this is a horrible visit.

I actually kind of wonder when it will all hit me.  There are moments when one thing or another will kind of knock me upside the head, but I haven't had a moment when all of the changes settle in.  I went from going into an office 3 days a week, to going in 5 days a week.  I'm no longer an anonymous worker drone.  We went from a two bedroom apartment to a house with at least three times the space.  We went from living in the city to living in the suburbs.  And that's just the big things -- innumerable smaller things have changed.

Is this how it happens?  Do we make these huge changes to our life and never really absorb them because we're too busy trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy?

I think it will hit me when we go back to Ohio.  Being away from what is my new home will make me appreciate it, I'm sure.  I'll be happy to come back, happy to be home.  Distance will help me process just what we've done.

Not that life has settled down.  There are still a lot of things going on, they're just very different things than they were before.

The people at my new office say "dude" a lot.

It's also interesting to see how much more structured my life has become, or perhaps it's only like that right now, as structure gives me something to hold on to.  I no longer live in a building with a gym, so now I have to actually get up and drive to one.  Suddenly I'm figure out my daily morning routine down to the minute.  Suddenly my writing schedule becomes more rigid.  And suddenly Thursday nights have become really exciting for me because I know the next day is Friday.

I can feel time slipping by and it worries me.  I see all of my energy diverted towards things I don't really enjoy and it worries me.  I see all these unfinished stories, these scraps of ideas, and it worries me.

One of my worst habits as a writer is writing lines in triplicate, like I just did above, and like I did in the paragraph before that, too.  It's a habit that took me years to break, and even then I still revert more often than I would like.  There's a nice cadence to that three line structure, though.  There's a certain sense of weight that comes with it.

I find myself waking up on Sunday mornings and looking forward to sitting on the couch and watching football.  I don't even know how that happened.

I say all this with the complete belief that it will get better, not that it's bad now.  I will get comfortable and find my rhythm, my cadence of three lines.  Tonight I write.  Tomorrow I go to the gym.  Friday I get new comics in the mail.  These are the things that are me.

And I'll start blogging again.

Did I also mention that I'm doing all of this with my favorite person in the world?

So I've got that going for me.

Which is nice.