Nation of Humpbacks


That is nothing at all like what my desk at work looks like, I just felt like being hyperbolic.  But I do work in a cubicle, albeit one that is relatively free of papers, let alone stacks of papers.  And I do sit in a desk all day, which has slowly but surely beaten all the muscles in my back to something of a gelatinous state.  This, of course, is only compounded by the fact that I then go home and sit at another desk for a few hours to, in theory, write.  
This is all in addition to my carpal tunnel syndrome, for which I have wrist braces and a snazzy keyword and mouse.  If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me what was wrong with my wrists, well, I wouldn't have to work in a cubicle anymore and then no one would ask me that.  Wrists brace are the helmets of the cubicle world.

I took time off over the holidays to visit my in-laws.  The secondary goal was for me to go and visit a physical therapist, a guy who specializes in what he calls "reposturing."  It's basically what it sounds like.  He works on your muscles to get them back to how they should be, as opposed to what they are now.  I had three sessions with him over three days.  I nearly threw up twice and I nearly passed out once.  It was horrible pain doing things that, had they not been done by a certified professional, would be considered torture.

What a human skeleton is supposed to look like.
There were a number of things wrong with my overall posture, and Aaron (said physical therapist) took pictures before assaulting me.  He then took pictures afterward to show me what he had done.  The entire difference was startling.Perhaps the most notable of all the problems Aaron fixed was what, Google tells me, is described as a "neck hump."  Google also tells me that "neck humps" are apparently not particularly rare these days.  This, obviously, is a product of our society, as more and more people spend hours and hours every day sitting at desks.
Even more bizarre is the fact that there are other causes for these humps besides sitting at a desk all day.  Not only that, but the humps can vary in size and how greatly they influence a person's body.  In other words, we are slowly but surely becoming a nation of humpbacks.
Perhaps it's evolution.  Perhaps this is what's eventually going to happen to the human race.  Maybe all those stories of a dystopian should really be millions of Igors ruled by those special few who can still manage to stand upright.  And maybe when the aliens show up to eat us all, we really won't be that hard to catch.

When I looked at my "after" pictures, I couldn't believe the difference, even more surprised than I was when I learned I was only a few years away from living in the bell tower of a cathedral.  Aaron's assistant said they were "fighting hump backs, one person at a time."
According to Google, that might be a losing battle.
I, for one, welcome our new upright overlords.